Taking Back Your Life
Taking Back Your Life: Your Mission Should You Choose to Accept It
As moms, guardians or caregivers we often find ourselves lost in all the demands and duties of others. After all, many of us are gifted in this area and are very connected to the ones we are caring for. It is an easy road to go down. Whether it happens in a moment or it is a slow drip that becomes a torrent, we find ourselves without ourselves. Our boundaries can become a bit undefined and we no longer make time for the things that brought us joy- coffee with friends, a bike ride, going for a walk, movies, scrapbooking, writing, exercise etc.. We may not have even known what is changing and we feel a bit lost and depleted.
The question to ask ourselves is, “What do I do that is just for me?” If you come up blank on that one, you are not alone. Next, ask yourself, “What do I love to do?” Or, “What am I doing when I feel the most joy?”, or, “When have I felt the most alive?” If it sounds helpful, make a list and challenge yourself to come up with ten things you enjoy. Post it somewhere to remind yourself to take some time for you.
Now that you have at least one thing that you know is something that fills you up and that you enjoy, we are on to the next phase, implementation! This can be the spot where it can be easy to get stuck and some don’t move past the idea stage. Why? Maybe not having this muscle exercised for so long we can feel guilty or like this desire we have is selfish (making sure we are enjoying our lives and RE-creating ourselves- yes, there is a reason why it is called “recreation”.) Perhaps the load of caretaking is so demanding and the needs so great that you can’t fathom 15 minutes away, much less an hour or two for a coffee date with a friend. Whatever the reason, commit to figuring it out and decide that you ARE worth a little investment (truly, it can be very small). The simple act of making a decision can be a powerful act.
The next step is getting accountability or support. This can be a friend, partner, therapist, spouse or a coach. Creating sustained change in our life is best done in partnership with someone. When we are accountable to someone for our actions we tend to remember and have a much better success rate than when we attempt to change on our own. Get a plan (I will walk 10 minutes two times a week). Make it specific- Tuesday and Thursday 10:00-10:10a. Make a plan B in case something happens. If I can’t make the morning slot I will do a 1:00p walk. Start small and you can increase from there. And be kind with how you speak to yourself- this is a huge key to creating change.
If you are reading this and feeling like it doesn’t matter, you don’t deserve the time or effort or you don’t even know where to begin, I would strongly recommend you get some professional support. A coach, therapist or a counselor will all be able to help you move towards what it is that you want. I can relate to losing myself. The process of having children is the most mentally, physically and emotionally demanding jobs that exists- it certainly took me out! I no longer did things for myself and because I did not carve out time for the things I enjoyed, I temporarily lost myself. It was exciting but a little daunting when I began the process of reclaiming myself- and in some ways for the first time. The great thing about life is that every day, every moment, is a fresh start and we are constantly creating our lives- great, good or otherwise. When I look back at my life I don’t regret the times I have gotten support- through hiring a professional, groups, church, friends etc. If I have any regret it is that I didn't do it sooner. Support (my friends, family, therapists and coaches) have revolutionized my life in the BEST way! Because of the support I have sought and the choices I have made, I feel a freedom, peace and joy that I knew was available but had never experienced myself. And I pray you would find that as well. It all starts with us showing up for ourselves.